Finding What I Want in "What I Want"

What I Want

What do I want?

Well… besides such and such.

Just someone to spend eternity with, that’s all.

Is that to ask too much?

Imagine, if you will, a small pudgy white boy alone in a small house, on a small island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. My companion, or as I called him my com-pain-ion, was asleep in the other room suffering from puke faka-ngaue (the sickness that conveniently overtakes a person when work is to be done). I was doing all I could do to stay busy. I had listened to the past 5 years worth of general conference, translated "Any Dream Will Do" into Tongan, and I had even counted the number of rules in the missionary handbook.  

I want someone patient and smart,

someone who is strong and brave.

Someone kind, someone bold,

someone whose presence I crave.

It was during this time that I figured I would try my hand at poetry. My com-pain-ion was a well known songwriter and a good poet and I thought I could give it a try.  

What do I want?

Just an eternal companion.

An eternal companion who loves me,

With a love with of no comparison.

I took inspiration from the lists they made us write in primary about what we wanted in a future spouse. I realized that our primary aged brains could only come up with superfluous attributes like "My wife will be a good cook" or " My husband will be a doctor" or "My spouse will have a super hawt bod." 

I want someone that helps me be better.

Someone who speaks honestly.

Someone who isn’t scared to talk,

someone who loves Him more than me.

I had come to realize on my mission that there was way more to a person than just their looks or skills, so I had made a list of real attributes that I thought were important to have in a spouse and What I want was born. 

Who do I want?

I want a beautiful daughter of God

Whose virtue radiates from her soul

and who keeps her hold to the Rod.

It turned out decent. I should have focused less on the rhyming and more on the flow and meter, but for my first foray into the world of poetry I thought it went well. 

So, who do I want?

Well, let me see…..

I want an eternal companion

who also happens to want me.

At this point I put it away, never to be looked at again until I had returned home from my mission. 

I don’t want an eternal companion,

I simply just need one.

That is the whole point of life, right?

Just find her and I’ll be done.

I pulled it out one day when, after a few weeks of dating this girl, I was thinking about marriage. I was amazed to find that she surpassed all of my requirements. I could see myself marrying this girl, but I felt like I was forgetting something. 

But there is more to it than that.

There is way more to it than finding.

Not only must I find, but while I look,

I must work on my becoming.

I couldn't figure out why I felt so weird, but then I had a thought that maybe she also had a list that she was comparing me to. Was I passing all of her tests? Was I all that she wanted? I thought. 

Becoming the one that she wants,

no, becoming who she needs.

Becoming better than I was yesterday.

And pulling many of my life’s weeds.

It was only fair that if I was going to hold her to such a standard, I had to hold myself to a high standard as well. 

So the day comes that I find her.

Hopefully that’s sooner than later.

The hard part is, now here’s the kicker,

Will I be the right one for her?

So I continued to write on What I Want until I found that it was not only a fair statement of my feelings, but I also had more accountability on my part. 

That’s what it boils down to.

This is not a one-way street.

We must study each other out

To see if we’ll compete or complete.

I continued in faith that she would be all that I needed and wanted, but I also tried to emulate the same traits. 

I’m not looking for perfection,

hopefully she isn’t either.

If that is all we really wanted, we’d search forever,

but never find each other.

I figured that we had the same desires: a temple marriage, a family, happiness; so I assumed that she would expect the same things that I expected from her. 

I’ll never ever find perfection

Because I will always be far from flawless.

So we will look for, and be, who we need,

And hopefully find never-ending solace.

So I put myself to the test. 

So, who does she want?

Nothing too much.

Just someone to spend eternity with.

Will I be worthy of such?

I tried my best to be my best. We continued to date and the more we dated, the more I fell for her. 

Am I patient and smart?

Am I strong and brave?

Am I a kind and bold person?

Am I someone that she craves?

I soon found myself in love, and to my delight the feelings were reciprocated. 

What does she want?

She wants an eternal companion.

An eternal companion that loves her

With a love without comparison.

I found myself being a better person. I was kinder, more focused, and I grew more during that time than any other time in my life. 

Am I someone who helps her be better?

Is honesty what I prefer?

Am I someone who isn’t scared to talk?

Do I love Him more than her?

I also became closer to God, which actually brought me closer to her as well. 

Who does she want?

She wants a handsome son of God,

Whose virtue beams from his soul

And who keeps his hold on the Rod.

And so after a while, I knelt down in a puddle and asked her the most important question I have ever asked anyone. 

So, who does she want?

Well, hopefully me.

She just wants the eternal companion,

That I am trying to be.

And then I read this poem to her at our wedding.